It’s been exactly six weeks since I walked out of YNN (still in the habit, dang it. I mean Time Warner Cable News). As I recount my thought process anew to friends I haven’t seen in years, others are checking back in.
“What are you learning?”
“Any clarity on where God is leading you?”
“Did you find your spirit animal yet?”
Unfortunately, the answer to all these questions is still: ____________________.
Well, perhaps not the latter. That’s just a “no.”
Or is it…?
As exhilarating and exciting as these six weeks have been, there have been moments of anxiety, even agony. Looking ahead also means looking back, and tearfests have made their way into my life more often than brainstorming sessions.
I knew it was going to be difficult. I didn’t realize how difficult.
For example: the balancing of time.
If you know me, you know I’m delighted by people. I’m also a chronic people-pleaser. This manifests itself in a packed schedule, day-in, day-out, with friends/family/strangers (?!) lined up in my calendar. As I meet with them, I have to look ahead to also plan which activities will be on my agenda in the rest of the Pacific Northwest, then on the East Coast, then across the Atlantic, and oh wait, Texas too?
It may not sound like a task to you, but for an über-organizer like myself, it’s been overwhelming. And there have been more moments of helplessness.
Yet, even in that simpler of examples, it becomes clear. This period is not just about who I will be, but who I already am.* Who I am not. And most importantly, who God is.
In which case, falling apart is acceptable.
*TEASER: Expect a post ahead about a truly insightful book called “Let Your Life Speak.”